Count Rockula (Vampires of Mendocino) 

WRITTEN BY                                                                                                                          ANDY                                                                        

vision of a vampire colony in northern california- Mendocino county- you'll see Mendocino county in the news sometimes. Think Charlie
Manson & company were at police HQ one time there. Its like Hawaii, hills with rolling mountains- roads twisting around- up into valleys and hills-
The West Coast just falls into the ocean 400 feet at someplaces, others beach right there. with rocks & stuff all around, those big ass trees too-
Redwoods. Marijuana big crop round there, you'll see that in the news sometimes too. its north of San Francisco. Spent only 1/2 a week maybe
less. Ann Rice writes of her vampires, a knowuing of positionings, East North West, etc South to the left, etcettera ettcetera. Son of a jesuitpriest, visions came quite like waking happens to us every day. So - withthis insoul global tracking software- run on biological hardware, whichdiscovered and used in a dream like state brought on by lack of sleep, crank& fruity buds. It only took the words of vision that made it real, i'm not so sure.

This story is not so much about vampires<-Disclaimer, though it is. sino, its a Sunday or hell i don't remmembber tryin to set a schene havin difficulties-find myself at Jessie Roses house- his dad was/is at the time, a vietnam vet, layed in bed think his lungs & body degenerated from Agent Orange. This is PortTownsend WA, home of some wooden boat building school, on the Puget Sound. Really beautiful- little town sets right on the bay- the town, is like a corner or the way the built it is-so it takes a goody amout of the tip of olympia or ic peninsula- 110 comes right up the peninsula- huge thick forests- cut here & there, nice smell of rain soaked dirt, jungles- swamp thang runs wild in the woods. people build electric cars & make their own amphetamines. back in the day- The town was used as a shanghai point, where'd they get young men drunk & wasted then knock em out- they'd wake up as ship handsaboard a freigher on the pacific. underground tunnels the whole bit- it burned down, the city and they rebuilt it.

So the downtown, (one street stretchin out to become a highway- stretching, around to the other connecting towns along the peninsula edge. but downtown is maybe 3 or 4 blocks, consisting of some half side streets, with a seafood place, other kite type stores, book shops- a hotel, resturaunts, a pizza place, coffee shops, that type of thing. and a cop shop at the end, to the east was the road that stretched into the highway -to the west - was a resort type- place on the sound, huge ass logs, and a water tower- i rember bein all drunk - this girl butterfly- peed on me, from on the ladder-she almost at top me pretty high too crazy bitch- haha., the
rest of town north of downtown, started atop a bluff- that stretched out- to the other counties- valleys- behind the resort type place- it was really
just a resturaunt & trailer park for older types, was military base- navy. stretched way out into some concrete structures- that ran along the shore-and into the woods, overlooking bluffs down to the bay. Between the military bases, houses and the resort - was a place, where the bluff had a hidden forest, climb a bit above a mud- upto woods 20-30 feet from the water, a hidden by the growth- a little place, the hidden forest what it was called- Travis was off to Alaska, he showed me the place- gave me a tent & some leaf to roll joints with- and there i lived- till it got too moldy, Its bottom was on roots- it was cool, but i had no patience or insight into improving the situation. I eventually became a dish washer, and so with a friend renteda an apartment downtown- from a weird old man.

the road to the east of downtown, led out along the bluff on the right side of the road- and some shops & a hotel running along the left in front of the
sound- a ferry runs between Woodby island, think the jet brough,t down in China-the U2 plane, that was spyin too close- and crazy chinese jet
fighters out maneuver;'d em , forcin them down, had navy boys&girls sationed in Woodby Island, stretches of beech- with big logs washed up onto
the beech, trees hangin off the bluffs-friggin beautiful.

I was walkin down the side walk, between the shops & bluff- and who do I see bt Harry, taint seen him since he ran out of Leadville courtroom, down the
stairs - out into the day- off on foot like a madman, he was in jail for 30-45 days, and he came to see his ole lady- and have some fun in PT. Ridin his skateboard- he just came into town. then came his girl Maggie,and what a re-union.

so time goes by- crazy lazy days- one bored afternoon i'm at Jessies- and Harry comes over. He's now got himself this brown pinto hatchback, we'd fit
like sardines into that thing, no muffler & off we'd be drivin laughin drunk as shit- smoked up and havin fun. think the most ever in the car was 15. haha.
so he wants to go visit home, we could have some fun drivin down, Jessie's got some buds, I actually recently turned Harry down on some money he was
tryin to borrow- he could be a mooch- so was feelin like i wasn't much of a freiend, anyways- I went along- we were gonna drive down ot Frisco- see
some friends, maybe get some buds- so he could dmake some monies. so we're off- we stop in Port Angeles to get some crank from a buddy he knew.
then we were flyin down the highway- gonna take the major highway- not 101= the scenic twisty havin fun route-anyways- we were in a not so legal way- and speed was a neccessity- the crank was a dank pank(pink) - and it was like some vicks vaporub type shit-either your smellin gets better on it- or its got a drown yer smell muscles with a metholyptic soapy taste smell-so wer'e drivin through the nite - next day towards evenin time, we arrive at Harry's aunts place- cool little Octagonal house-wooden, she seemed cool or whatever- just happy - on a hill in the hills -so we smoke some o this fruity bud- this now prolly 36 hours no sleep-
and Harry says to me, hey look up there, on the hill what are they doin, i sqwint tryin to see- points again- then i see a car on top of the hill - ormultiple cars- headlights going which ways- . and i'm walkin up this hill now, its dark but as my eyes adjust i begin to make out dead animals all over the ground. i'm getting worried- is it my eyes haven't adjusted all the way - then i start to make out people, all dressed in kinda canvas pants leather vests shirts like poker dealers, tied at the wrists, or maybe this only howa the one indian i saw- or dark skinned tall american fellow, the American Indians tall healthy, a terror chokes my throat- makes my feet stumble over a furrry rocky mossy ground. up this hill, indian has his head bowed, memory is different than the story i rememober- or don't -- feeling that a sacrifice held here, reverent they were, and not havin ballout fun neither.

so i walk of thinkin -i'm intrudin and scared too- forgetting all 2 compadres all togher due to the horrific nature of the nite. Thr e top of
the hill levels and lowers out into a field with big trees with full circle like tops(leaves branches) -i walk over towards them, as it looks like down a hill or two is away, maybe a road -as i walk up to the trees, i notice people, indian in the tree, twisted-wearin a blue like wavy type sweater- brown pants shoes- hand on knee-
exaggerated- -beads, it made me think vampire magic. Indian vampire magic. American Indian Vampire Magic.

so scared, i go towards some mounds of sand, piled up in hills. land below-yard plot carved out to a road. as i mount the mounds, realize there are snakes cobras atop each point, maybe 6, 3 at front, scared the living bajeebies out of me. so i kinda run down toward the dirt road leadin intothe yard lot. i notice
neon, as i get closer i see a 57 chevy hover car - neon pink green lights white & red kinda like an Xwing fighter. Suprised and scared i run out to the road. this is too much- i much get away- I mount the highway and start walking up it, Now memory- the above span lasted atleast 6 hours, as the sun was now out.

the road had jungles on either side, the right side which i was walkin along had yard lots cut out of the forest thickets, as i walked up towards the next yard lot, there is a group of young men in ku klux klan outfits, movin like ants, how young angry men move.

i sped past to where the forest was at my side, and on i walked, no yard lots, but the forest backed up and a fence was there. as i walked down i saw a lamb or baby deer, ya it was a baby deer or pony or somethin, or a goat, fuckin weird now- and i remember coming to this conclusion that there were Vampires in
Mendocino County- and I had to make a decision of whether I would join & submit or leave and write the tales or fight them. the writing part i added,
but i never have just 2 options in anything. Call me OptionLoption queen of the malcontents & stubborn rat turd spaghetti eatin rain water drinkin international mounty brigage- the Thunder in El Dunder.

I walk up to the 4 skinny legged creature- and go to like look in its eyes -and i'm still wound up on this horrible insanity- of walking into the middle
of an animal sacrifice, look into its eyes- and it let out this blood curteling scream, i took off runnin, either this thing looked into my eyes and saw the horror of what i knew-or it had its own direct knowlege and was acknowledging my horror, or it was screaming because of the insane animal sacrifice that had happened, not to
far from where he was foraging. Or he was screamin oh my god,

I think the only confirmation on that bit of my hallucionation(?) that it really did occur was from Silence of the Lambs- Dr Lechter guessed rightly-
all she wanted was the name of the book/movie.

so I run into the woods, scared and i was runnin- in extreme drug mind zooms with run, just fuckin run. Like some athlete extroidenaire- more like the
tales of Yore and Hobbits of wee gone by time, where marches were made, men/elves/dwarves running across the landscape- stopping for food- camping-
pulling out their pipes and filling with local tasty tweeds. oh my my my -
so i come to a bluff/cliff - and its as if on this journey - i'm gotta getaaway- i gotta get to the bottom of this cliff- where there's a creek-i know where I am, i know where i have to go - i have been here, i know where i'm goin ( where the GPS comes in) -i grab a skinny young tree, in my hands, flexible you know the kinda as a
kid you could use to hang down to the ground from high-where they'd put traps- and when the rabbit's foot went in the loop- the
tree lets go- and tightens the loop - and hangin on high is the prize.

i estimated 50 to 100feet, so i grab this tree to get me some what down, something to hang onto - and kinda use my heels of my heels to surf down this rocky brown into the bottom, man i was fuckin on fire- then i'm runnig down in and aloanng this creek through wodds- round corners of trees, and rocks and hills - totally beautiful - leaves on trees, lights in the afternoon- family's giggling in the sun light. Asian famileis women & daughters, i make my way up to a road-at this point I believe i'm back in Port Townsend, as the trees and roads are similar- i put my thumb out and get picked up by a Far East Indian type guy- software engineer, brown mercedes, he drops me off down the road some, big ass circle road- like in PT .

I get to remembering where I am, and think well i know where I am, i haven't gone too far- i'walk through the woods, small road- trees , pine needles allover or - somethin - wooden set of houses/shtops no labels-i start walkin off behind them, someone peaks out- hey - you can't be walkin ouvt there, - i'm thinkin cause of the pot- i guess- so i walk back towards the road, along it- pretty soon a van comes along- guy says hey , whatcha doin , tell him i'm lookin for my friends, he says get in , he's on a walkie talkie- says somethin like i got him, we dirive along- we come to where I originally saw the hills - where lights are.

its a valley hill - plain , with a few trees here and there. as we come on them, i see indians resting usnder the trees, looked to be the same types
from last nite-Harry's Aunt was Mad!!!1, Where were u , harry erupts- we been lookin for u everywhere - u caueds alot of trouble-

I lookin around- "There were animal sacrifices here, mutterin- still this now 48 hours no sleep - , Aunt puts hand to head gasps in disgust. I ruined any freindly Auntie givin Harry weed I guess. man they were amazed, we get in the car, they call me the wanderer. I was like damn. it was all a dream i guess- man, i was up for the next day or so- and was always seeing Asian girls, we stopped to do some hoeing of a garden in Santa Rosa, i had my shirt off- all gettin muscly dirt rakin for these giggling Asian girls -Years later I go to China and fall in love with a Chinese girl - but there were no Asian girls when i wsas diggin- power of HasanSudein, king of the Turkey Gang, Dream Weavers with all proper tourniquets tightented round swelling snake bitten flesh. and the eyes around the skin take form of a buck maker full of beans.

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CATCHING THE GREEN FAIRY

Forget poisonous hippie home brews and shrewdly marketed wannabes: A bottle of absinthe is now only a click away.

Maxim, August 2003

By Larry Mondello

"Rumor has it that Vincent van Gogh had drunk one too many glasses of hallucinogenic absinthe when he hacked off his ear and gave it to a prostitute. The guy was probably just sick of his French neighbors, but ever since then the magical green liqueur, known for its unique psychoactive properties and bitter licorice flavor, has had a bad name. Absinthe’s been banned in most of Europe and the U.S. for nearly a century because of the sauce’s rep for inducing madness. The result: Curious legions risk blindness and death by tracking down local hippies who cook it up in their basements. But we’ve got news for those moondoggies: They’re about to go out of business, because absinthe is now legal and safe…sort of."                                                                                                                    READ MORE >>>